Monday, July 30, 2012

New target is a tricky one. Evaded me, nearly lost it to a trap. Boiling water to stun me and a dropping sledgehammer to deliver the blow. A very tricky one

A message...? Why would anyone want to talk with me.
Are all these memories real? Fabricated? Is someone giving me back memories and taking them away, or are they just suppressed and are now leaking out? It's driving my mind into an odd state, intrusive thoughts. I feel so helpless, no matter what I do these questions cannot be answered.

I am not even in danger and yet I still feel afraid.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

My room... A solid white room, its contents are minimum but it's all i need. A plain bed,  certainly not special or tainted. that much can't be said about many things here.. A black chair I use when I want to use the computer and when my bed feels uncomfortable, and the computer itself. An outdated piece of hardware, but its still something wonderful in my eyes. I wander my... Home? during the day time, there is no one here but me, him, and Him. 

I stumbled upon a great discovery not long ago, I descended to the deepest area of this forsaken place, as I walked through the bleak halls, various rodents and insects sped past me, a strange sight as I never see any living thing here. The halls opened up to a more expansive area, with an odd door at the end. It had a unique design, which I tried to replicate. Excuse my drawing skills. 

I attempt to push open the door but it is searingly hot and would not move. My hands are burned and I stumbled down onto the floor, I feel no... Pain? Unlike other people. I am not entirely sure what pain is, but this is not a good feeling.

Before I could investigate further, my body has already returned to my room.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

New target... A teenager with gothic wear and his girlfriend. What have these people done to deserve death? I need to know. Everything is a mess. Not enough answers. Have to continue for now. I don't want to anger him.

Friday, July 27, 2012

A memory surfaced recently, when it occurred I do not know, but I am certain it occurred. I was handed a knife and a photo of my target, along with his last known location. A young male with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, a really common sight now that I think about it. I began to slowly ascended from this... Place? What is it? A headquarters? A factory? I don't know. 

None of the doors here have handles, they just open when pushed. It smelled pleasant and relaxing, but its walls an eerie gray, just a shade away of black. I open another door and am momentarily blinded by the sunlight. The sky was beautiful, no clouds in sight, just a perfect blue that expands as far as I can see. I step out of the building and the soft grass reminds that I have no shoes on. A dirt path rests in front of me with trees hanging over it, blocking a majority of sunlight out. 

I walked down the path, the dirt shifting into grass and then into gravel. All I saw ahead of me was trees. An undetermined amount of time passes and I find myself in the street of a busy city. The air is cold, rain drops hit my face and clouds covered the sky. Cars raced down the road and horns blared. I am close. I sat on a bench nearby and closed my eyes once more. My body is not my own, its being controlled somehow, it might even be another personality of my mind that splintered off. I do not know and I never will.

I open my eyes and find myself in front of a building. It fits the description I was given. I went around back and found a side window. With a bit of work I managed to work it open and slipped inside. I was drenched, soaked to the bone from the rain. Water slid off me and onto the wood floor. I made a trail of it as I walked through the house. The building was lifeless and gave off a feeling of uneasyness.

There was a message written on the wall in red paint that was incomprehensible. I walked up the stairs, they felt freezing to the touch, amplified by my wetness, and soon after found myself in a bed room. Various items scattered around the room, a broken TV laid on the ground in front of me, and my target, sleeping soundly in the comfort of his bed. I gripped my knife, and stabbed him in the throat. I had my other hand over his mouth but he managed to let out a bloodcurdling scream. I pulled back on the knife and had fully opened up his throat, blood spilling out of the wound as well as him choking on it. 

I sat on the bed next to him as he bleeds out, and closed my eyes. I open them to find myself back at... Home? With my meal for succeeding in front of me. The food looked delicious, but I had no appetite. I ate a small amount and returned to my room. My mission for today was completed.
Every day I wake to the same thing. Every day I live out similar events, over and over and over. I hardly remember anything, even things I did yesterday. just that I keep repeating it again and again. Time seems to fly past me, I close my eyes for a moment and find myself in a completely different place. 

I am told to find people, told to end them. If I do as I am told, I am fed and given a place to sleep. If I fail... I have never failed. I can't fail. My life isn't my own any more, it's just an empty shell of what used to be. How... How did it come to this? Who decided that I am worthless and others are important? I didn't even have a name until recently. Shamshel... He gave it to me. He defines me. He is the reason I live and at the same time the one I hate most. I am not even sure my thoughts are mine.

I can't disobey what he says, he owns me now. Today I was rewarded for a successful mission. He gave me this computer. I don't want to forget any more. If I forget I can always read what I did. I have to end this cycle of repetition, its getting me nowhere.